Gosh, coming back and reading this sappy stuff 10 months later is hilarious. It’s amazing how much can change in such a short time. How much people can deceive you and how much people can change! 

In just a handful of weeks I’m moving back home. Back to Memphis and back to my comfort zone! I can’t wait and I am so nervous/excited to get back!

well what i thought would be impossible happened… me and tyler broke up. and it’s so incredibly weird to feel like i can’t text him or hang out with him whenever i want to. it sucks when you think you have your life planned with someone and one thing changes and then it’s  all gone. one conversation ends everything. now i’m back at the beginning. i hate feeling like this. i feel so vulnerable and weak. the one person who made me stronger is the one who made me feel like this. granted it’s not his fault. you can’t force yourself to love someone if you don’t. he’s probably the sweetest and most kindhearted guy in the universe. and that’s what makes it so so hard. this is the first time ever that i have felt like this. and honestly it feels like one big nightmare. like it’s not really happening. everyone keeps telling me their opinions and analyzing my life and i listen. but i don’t agree. people think i should stay away from him completely. not be his friend. that it will only be harder on me. and maybe it will. but to have tyler for two hours of my life is better to not have him at all. i feel like a stupid little girl but i have to figure out this on my own. if i let a friendship with the most amazing guy pass up, then i’m an idiot. and i would hate myself for the rest of my life. today is better than yesterday. even though i dreamt about him all night. i didn’t wake up crying, i haven’t cried yet, and i’m actually interested in pinterest today. i know God has me in his hands, my name is written on His heart. and really, that’s all that matters. it’s taken me a while to figure that out and is still taking a lot to fully believe it. i’ve been wearing tyler’s ring for almost over a year and it’s made its mark on my finger. i’m not quite ready to take it off or to even take pictures in my room down yet. because i still have some kind of hope. i pray that he comes back to me, but if he doesn’t i pray that he’s always happy. i still love him, and i probably always will.

sometimes i feel like i can’t do anything right, for ANYBODY.

i don’t know exactly what to do about it either. i feel like I’m in a bad mood at least 50% of my day. that’s not how i want to live. it’s getting exhausting… y’all pray for me please. i have a lot that i’m carrying on me now and i can’t carry it all on my own. 

Someone once said, “There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Forget the bad, and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you right, pray for …the ones who don’t. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living.”

SOOOO very true! :)

Words— by Rebecca

“I wish that I was good with words.

Words to tell you exactly how I feel,

Words to convey my gratitude,

Words to give praise,

Words to show my love.

So instead I’ll just write down words and hope they’re good enough—”

Sometimes I wish I could come out with my feelings more and explain to people what exactly I feel. There are people in my life who I think don’t realize just how much I love them and appreciate them being around for me. One of the most important of those is God! Why is it that I get so wrapped up in life, that I completely forget and neglect God? When He is the only One who will never EVER let me down. God has given me everything that I have, so WHY am I not using it to show everyone and tell everyone about Him? I’ve never felt a calling for ministry or for missionary work and I still don’t. But even in my day to day life I should be praising God more and more for what He has so willingly blessed me with!

My birthday is in an hour and 10 minutes. My birthday symbolizes the greatest gift God has given me and that is Life! He put me with the most amazing family and gave me an amazing life! I am so grateful for all of the wonderful things He has given to me. My goal for my 20s is to give MORE PRAISE! Give everything up to God. Because even when there’s no one around to talk to or you feel like no one really cares to listen to your problems, GOD LISTENS! God cares. God loves. God IS love, ALWAYS. So for me to expect His love, I must give love in return. As I leave my teenage years behind me and get away from some of the hardest years of my life, I will PRAISE Him for one more year of life!

“Create in me a clean heart, Oh God, and renew a right spirit within me.” Psalm 51:11

It has been really hard to find a wonderful friend who understands 99% of what I have to say. God has sent me, through a VERY weird situation, a new, very awesome friend! Since moving to Alabama, well really my whole life, it’s been difficult to make friends and keep them around. We’ve only hung out maybe 4 times but I feel like we’re going to be friends for a very long time. We’re a lot alike and have been through a lot of similar situations. I just pray that I’m not betrayed or anything like that again. Things are starting to look up! Much higher up than they have been for a couple months! And things are smoothing out with some old friends that I had a falling out with! I’m so thankful that I’ve had such a great, supportive boyfriend to get me through this! If it weren’t for him I wouldn’t have made a new friend. I would still be sitting around sulking. Next thursday is my 20th birthday and I’m not really sure what to do. AND next friday is me and Tyler’s one year anniversary! I still can’t believe it’s been THAT long! So, I need to figure something out. I wish I had more people to come and hang out with me on my birthday, but the people I do have mean more to me than anything. I’d rather have one or two close friends than a bunch of acquaintances  like i’ve had for 2 years while living here! I can’t wait to see what God’s plan is for the next couple of years! I hope it includes making some more money! haha :)